Firstly... I'm sorry. Breaking up SUCKS. I totally get it... In fact, I'm right where you are right now. Probably not in the right mind set to give any advice... But I'm here for you.
STAGE 1:
We all know that pain demands to be felt. You need to start by being honest with yourself. Give yourself some time... Time to curl up and cry, eat comfort food (I suggest pasta and chocolate), or don't eat at all, get drunk, watch the notebook, wear his shirt, sleep with her sweater because it smells like her, go through photos, take twenty minute showers, listen to your songs, don't sleep, sleep all week... Anything that you want. Give yourself up to a week or less to really give in to your feelings, embrace them. The most important thing to do during this grieving period is to AVOID YOUR PERSON AT ALL COSTS. Do not text, do not call, avoid this person in every way that you can. This is extra-ordinarily difficult of course but that's what you have your friends for, be honest with yourself and with them during this time. It is very important that you do this. Don't think of it as 'getting over your person' or even giving them time to 'get over you', think of it a way to let the dust settle. When this week is over, there is a still a possibility that things can be fixed.... Or not. (side note: rebounds during this time is BAD idea)
STAGE 2:
Once you've given yourself this week, it's time to be productive. Remind yourself every morning that you are a good person, that you can be whole by yourself and that you were happy before meeting this person and you can continue to be happy. After a week it's probably best to have a conversation with your person, get some closure. Stay calm, don't get angry, have an open mind. Listen to each other and explain. This is the make or break part. If things look like they could get better, then keep on fighting. If not, it's time to let go... Remember, don't drag it out. Don't kid yourselves and get back together because it's what feels normal. If it's unhealthy then you have to open your eyes and see it, it's probably really obvious to everyone else. Don't let your feelings blind you. You have to rip the knife out so you can heal, if you take it out slowly, it's only going to take longer. This is one of the most difficult stages. It's where you have to stop making excuses and really look at moving forward as your own person. (I'm guessing this is where you are). It's easy to make vows when you are heart broken. I know it's hard... Talk to someone you trust about it.. Nothing they say will comfort you, but having that person who knows you, really knows the bones of YOU, secretly you know they understand and that is comforting whether you want to admit or not.
STAGE 3:
So... You've had your time to feel upset, you're now starting to accept that things are over. The okay days are starting to become more frequent now and you're settling back into a new routine. It's time to move forward. It's common to start comparing others to your previous partner when heading back onto the dating scene. Make light of this situation by laughing at yourself, enjoy feeling clumsy as you meet new people and talk about your ex, they will see the funny side too, possibly even relate. Nothing serious will come from these beginner people but that's okay, you probably aren't ready anyway. It gets easier. There is always a light. Just remember that you are whole on your own. You don't need a person to make you feel loved. Love starts with you.
I know that it isn't as simple as what I just described, this is a rough guide. Something to help you see that you're not alone... That it DOES get better whether you're in the place to believe that or not, I don't know. I hope that you come to see it soon though. I hope you can share that smile with someone who truly deserves it and I hope that the smiles shared with you are everything that you hoped for.
Good luck everyone
-We are Golden
Ps: On a personal note, I did just get out of a serious relationship. My first serious relationship... So serious that I lost sight of who I was without him. When we broke up he gave his half on the necklace that I bought back to me. I don't need someone to complete me. Neither do you...
No comments:
Post a Comment