Relationshit vs. Relationship

There are so many elements involved in creating a 'good' relationship. 'Good' is actually a terrible word. I think the word is 'healthy'. Relationships have to be nurtured and grown, almost like a plant, then, when you get good at it, it can pretty much take care of itself, though not entirely.

Two halves make a whole

I often hear the words "he/ she completes me". I do not like that, at all. 

Before you can even begin to start thinking about another human being, you have to make sure of yourself. You are a whole being all on your own and you can do incredible and awful things all on your own. If you find yourself in the mentality of not being 'complete' without another person, you will almost inevitably find yourself in a co-dependant relationship. Your entire happiness is sourced from this person, they dictate your choices, your emotions and you will also find yourself very jealous and possessive. Sometimes your partner may be acting the same way towards you and other times, they may not (I'm not sure which is worst). It's a horrible place to be with a person, especially if they choose to take advantage of you. I went through this personally; I was being persuaded to leave my country, my family and my life goals. It's difficult to figure it out at the time, but if someone is asking this of you, they can not feel as strongly for you as you do for them, simply because of their selfish behaviour, and not putting your happiness first. 

In a co-dependant state of mind, you will also find it very difficult to be single. Relationships will often blur into one another: you won't be able to leave someone without the promise of a new someone right around the corner, therefore you will find yourself stuck in unhealthy relationships despite your knowledge of this. Being in unhealthy relationships can really affect you. It's draining and distracting. It's important to be independent so that you are able to recognise your unhappiness with a person, and potentially leave that person behind, with the capability of being happy on your own.

 The important thing to remember is, you are a whole by yourself, and being in a healthy relationship means finding another whole person and sharing experiences, love and laughter.

Live in the now

Relationships are unpredictable. In the same way that life is unpredictable. Very very few things are not going to change in your life, especially when you're young and that has to be taken into account. Being in a relationship with someone means that your paths in life are crossing over and who knows when or if your paths are going to split. It is important to remember this when saying words like 'forever', or making promises that are impossible to keep. Take it one day at a time, be realistic, do not plan too far ahead and do not put pressure on each other. Not only will this help to nurture a better functioning relationship but it makes things more exciting as well. What if today was the last day you had with your partner? How would spend it? Think about that when you're planning your next date.

Web of lies

Honesty and trust can make or break. It can be forgotten how important this is. It is a huge umbrella covering many elements in a relationship. It must be respected. It curbs jealousy, it creates comfort and it sets the foundation for love and affection. When there is honesty and trust, you will feel supported and sure. 

Not only do you need to be honest to and trust in your partner, but you need to be honest to and trust in yourself. Being 100% sure is also super important. It can often be about putting the effort in. The longer you leave it, the harder it will get and the further things will fall apart. If the spark is gone, if it does not feel right, if things are slipping, you must address it. That can mean, breaking things off or it could mean discussing it and working on ways to make it better. Again, the effort. 

If you're beginning to feel unsure, look at the pros and cons, are the cons worth the pros. Yes, talk about it, work it out, fight. No, make a decision, make the right one and stick to it. 

Do not get trapped. Reach out to someone if your relationship is not healthy and you are struggling to get away from it. Please believe in yourself and work on yourself before you work with someone else, you and your future partner will be better for it. 

http://areyouok.org.nz/

https://womensrefuge.org.nz/WR/Domestic-violence/Domestic-violence.htm

http://www.2shine.org.nz/

Good luck everyone

- We are golden